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i am the world's worst updater...

Posted on 2007.09.07 at 20:23
Current Mood: sadsad
well it's been WAY too long since i've updated.


it was probably the last summer i'll spend in michigan, which makes me sort of sad. i think i always knew in the back of my mind that the day would come when i'd probably be leaving michigan for some 'grown-up' reason, but i guess i never figured those 'grown-up' days would come. i didn't really do anything especially extraordinary or special, but i had one of the most fun summers i've ever had. realizing that it was probably the last time i'll be able to hang out with my friends from home whenever i wanted to, i just tried to make the most of it. i drank a LOT this summer and spent way too much money at the bar, but i used the whole 'last summer in michigan' excuse...haha :)

and yes, even though i had a great summer, i did have to spend a significant chunk of time working at horrocks (the place i've always said i'll never return to) for the 500th summer in a row. there were days when i hated the place and loved to bitch and complain about it., but in the end, i got to work with people i truly enjoyed.

the big move

and then i moved to minneapolis to start law school. i'm living in a duplex in southwest minneapolis with one other girl, kallie. she works downtown for pepsi. she has a cute little dog named jaxson :) so far, i am loving living in this city. law school itself is going well. i have met great people and am really enjoying what i'm doing so far.

and everything else

so i talked to my parents tonight, and things at home aren't so great. my grampa has been in hospice since june but managed to hang on all summer. recently though, he's taken a turn for the worse. he's been 'aspirating' which means when he tries to eat food, he chokes and the food goes down into his lungs. he tried to eat tonight when my mom was up visiting him and he choked so badly that my mom told me she thought he was going to die right in front of her. she tries to keep all this stuff from me so i don't get upset or distracted, but then i just feel guilty that she is carrying this cross on her own. my mom tries so hard to be strong and do everything on her own, and in that way, we are a lot alike. so hearing her as upset as she was tonight broke my heart. it doesn't look like he'll be able to hang on much longer. i just hope he doesn't go on my mom's birthday.

....i could write more, but it's just making me sad. good night.

Posted on 2007.05.22 at 23:21
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
It's been more than a month since I last wrote in this thing...seems like a lot longer than that though.

i guess that would be the major thing to talk about ;) the last couple weeks of the semester were this huge whirlwhind. i was running around like a crazy person trying to finish everything up. the library was the last place i wanted to be spending my last few days at alma but i really had no other choice. finally, thursday night of exam week rolled around and i could FINALLY FINALLY let loose and just enjoy myself. i spent the whole weekend just trying to soak it all in and relish every second. even then though, it wasn't really sinking in that this was IT. there are no more 'next-years' and this fall will find me and all of my friends not in the little alma bubble where we spent the past four years but spread out all across the country taking those first tentative baby steps into the real world. i've had more than a month to sit on that feeling and i'm still not sure that it's really hit me that things will never be the same. i know it sounds lame and ridiculous but i think there was a little part of me that just never imagined college ending...that i would always have mandy and kelsee living ten feet away from me, that i would always have mary and becky to say thank you to when i left saga, that i could always walk into a dr. lorenz class and see that huge grin of his. it SUCKS (and yeah there's really no other word for it) because i feel like i've just gotten to the point where i'm completely comfortable in all aspects of my life here at alma. the uncertainty of my freshman and sophomore years was gone, and the struggle to readjust after coming back from scotland was over. but of course, (because that's how life ALWAYS works), i'm not allowed to get TOO comfortable or TOO settled. time to start a new chapter whether i like it or not.

this feels a lot different than when i graduated from high school. i couldn't WAIT to get out of there. we all made this huge deal about how life was changing and it would never be the same and we were all going our separate ways and blah blah blah. but it didn't happen that way really. for the most part, summers brought everyone back to lansing and back together. we all share the same hometown and very few people actually moved away. but now that i've graduated from alma, the one common 'home' we've had to bring is all together is no longer ours. there's nothing to bring us all together in the same place again.

i took a spring term so i haven't actually moved out of alma yet...that'll happen in the next couple of days. it's hard because i really don't know when i'm going to see a lot of these people again. moving to minnesota means that visits home are going to be few and far between and this coming summer is probably the last one i'll spend in michigan.

i know these changes and transitions are survivable (i'm pretty sure a few people have managed ;) ) but that doesn't make it any easier. i'm sure i'll look back and read this in a year or so and laugh at how analytical and apprehensive i'm being, but for the time-being, it's how i'm feeling, so there ya go....

so F%&#ing stressed!!!

Posted on 2007.04.03 at 11:50
Current Mood: stressedstressed
so stressed.
so overwhelmed.
cannot write in complete sentences.

to do by thursday..

  • thesis presentation (not even close to being done)
  • pol 201 group presentation (i'm in charge of the report, and again, not even close to being done)
  • south african history paper (i haven't even touched it since he gave us back our first draft)
i am on the verge of going crazy. i have no idea how/when i'm going to get this all done. there's just not enough hours in the day.

okay, enough complaining. there are lots of people that have real problems and real things to complain about so i should just shut up.

in other news, i figured out what i'm doing with my life next year...minneapolis and UST, here i come! :)

can't believe graduation is in just two and a half weeks...it still hasn't really hit me that we're all leaving. weird.

okay i'm out, i gotta keep working...

what a week

Posted on 2007.03.04 at 23:02
Current Mood: mellowmellow
so last week was spring break. 

i decided that going home and sitting on my ass was not an option this year, so i signed up to go on an alternative break trip to philadelphia, working in classrooms in an inner city school.

one of the best decisions i've made in a long time.

these are the kids that most of society has already written off as 'never gonna make it'. some of these kids have to overcome much adversity and carry so much baggage, that it's amazing to me that they even make it to school each day. some of the stories i heard from these little eight year olds broke my heart. what do you say to a girl that responds to the writing prompt "when i smell _____, i think of _____" with a story about the smell of crack smoke and her mom and dad fighting about her dad's drug problem? or how do you expect a kid to behave in class when his mom moved away with his four brothers and sisters and left him to fend for himself in foster care?

but despite all of this, they flourish. most people think of inner city kids as "dumb" or simply not interested in learning. but that couldn't be farther from the truth. they want so badly to learn. to do well. to MAKE IT.

i could go on and on. 
i'd forgotten how much i love being in a school, how much i love being around kids that age. makes me wish i'd gone into education.

and i guess i'll just end with two poems written by two third graders as part of an anthology the school was putting together. 
these are the words of eight year olds. the first one especially gave me chills.

"Deeply" by A. Davis (age 8)
I cry, a dark, bursting red. I explode
with fiery orange. Sometimes I
get so mad I just want to
scream a lion's roar.
When I get sad I want to cry up a
Missing You Ocean.
Sometimes when I think about you I get upset
all over again. I wish
I could love you deeply

*this is about her dad, who is in jail, and her sister.

"Up and Down" by Malcom Waters (age 8)
My time is up, your
time is down. Your time is
life, my time is now.
Your time is up, big show.
You think you are the
best but you lose
all the time. You can't win
me over.

Posted on 2007.02.12 at 00:09
i found this while i was researching senior profiles for my pol 201...it's like she read my mind...

couldn't have said it better myselfCollapse )

my away message

Posted on 2007.02.02 at 00:36
Current Mood: draineddrained
things i don't like lately:
being reminded that graduation is coming up sooner than i am ready, always worrying about what's coming in the mail, watching my grandparents slip away, seeing my mommy so stressed out about it, my senior thesis and the three other major research papers i have to write this semester, and an overall serious lack of funds.

things i love lately:
looking at old pictures, laughing at our cats, shooting free throws, truly LOLing at the things cornacchione sends me, NPR, wearing sweatshirts every day and not caring because i'm a senior and have no one to impress, and (strangely enough) dr. furlong's lectures.

this is my away message right now...and it pretty much sums things up.

dear sarah,

Posted on 2007.01.24 at 13:07
Current Mood: calmcalm
there's nothing quite like the embarassment/awkwardness that comes from reading an e-mail from your dad recommending that you and all your friends get the HPV vaccine so that we don't get cervical cancer.  gotta love a pops that works for the community health department. 

one week down...

Posted on 2007.01.12 at 17:11
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
sooo the beginning of the end has begun....let's recap the first week, shall we? :)

hmmm. my classes. what to say about those.... they're not terrible, but i'm not super excited about any of them.
  • hst 122: the topic is pretty interesting, but it's a dumbed down version of con law that i took last year so it is kinda boring not to be learning anything new really. also, some of the people in the class are slightly annoying (there are certain times when it's perfectly okay to keep your thoughts to yourself. it's called an inner monologue and it doesn't mean you need to vocalize it. also, stop arguing with the professor. she has not only  her Ph.D but her J.D. she really does know what she's talking about.
  • hst 360: didn't really think the history of south africa was really going to be my thing, but its actually more interesting than i though it was going to be. unfortunately, this class means another paper under the supervision of furlong--what a bitch that's going to be. can't wait to have my first draft ripped apart! wahhhhhhooooooooo!!!
  • pol 201: everyone that was in my senior seminar + some juniors. not a big fan of the topic (a research plan about alma college? WTF!) but i like the prof so far and at the very least he makes me laugh and kind of reminds me of my dad with the way he likes to piss people off.
  • senior thesis!: i finally (sort of) figured out my topic today. i'm going to be analyzing the immigration raids that took place a few months ago, and whether or not they were an election ploy, an anti-labor shot, or genuine raids towards 'national security.'
  • history independent study: i'm either going to do it on the school of the americas orrrr whether or not the iraq war is beginning to mirror vietnam.
so yeah--that's my semester, academic wise. still working in the admissions office, sending 500 e-mails a day to professors and calling them and being annoying when they don't write me back. :)

anyway, i'm done...have a lovely weekend!

Posted on 2007.01.03 at 02:41
going back to alma for the last time...

"so before we end and then begin
we'll drink a toast to how it's been
a few more times that i can say
i've loved these days"

i just don't get it sometimes

Posted on 2006.12.02 at 00:17
Current Mood: sadsad
life is wonderful sometimes.

i woke up this morning to our first real snowstorm of the winter. it was beautiful. i love walking outside while it snows. it seems to at least muffle everything and make life quieter. 

i took an environmental exam that i felt fairly confident about, minus a question or two that tripped me up.

i laughed a lot with my boss at work. i didn't have to deal with cranky professors, mean parents, or 10000 visits in one day.

i shoveled the sidewalk (first time in my life i've ever done that!) with mandy. we had made snow angels and  had a snowball fight and acted like carefree little kids. we made snow angels in our biknis also :)

i couldn't stop smiling.

life is heartbreaking sometimes.

i got an e-mail from my mom.

one of my dad's best friends from college, tom, called this morning. his daughter, caitlin, was killed in a car accident yesterday. she was on her way back to school after going out to lunch with her friends. she was a senior in high school--she had the world at her fingertips and so much going for her.

from what my mom said in the e-mail, my dad was pretty upset by the news. my dad and i are a lot alike--we come across as smartasses but deep down we are big softies. i remember my sophomore year in high school when i told him that mary's brother had just been diagnosed with cancer--tears welled up in his eyes and he said so softly that i had to strain to hear him-- "oh no, sarah. oh no. that's so sad--he's so young." i'm sure he'll shed tears over this too, just thinking about not just a dad, but one of his best friends, losing his little girl.

and the sad news just kept on coming.

our neighbor, shelby, was in remission from cancer. my mom mentioned to me awhile ago that she had had to go back into the doctor for something or other. well the latest news is not good--she has inoperable tumors behind her ears that are making her go deaf and the doctors also believe that it's spread to her spine. they don't know if she'll ever walk again or even if she'll recover. her little girl, taylr, was in my mom's class last year. apparently she's handling it well--i don't know if i could say the same thing if i was in an 8 year old in her shoes. i don't know if couldn't handle it right now if anything happened to my  mom and i'm 21.

i couldn't stop crying.

it's hard to understand how a single day can be so amazing and so painful all at once.

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